Sueanne's Story Unfolds

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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Refreshing but...

Wow, I'm just overwhelmed by the CF retreat we just had. Such great plans but limited resources...

We had two days of getting together. Team dynamics game which was really an ice breaker. Then the sharing of vision and talk to get to know FES better. Lots of laughter and building of friendship. Hopefully we'll all be able to work in unity despite vast difference. There're people who come from churches who are openly against pentecostal churches, where I'm from. But thank God it is not a huge matter to me as I've been in school CF all along and supporting of inter denominational gatherings. Thank God for the preparation in advance.

Second day was brainstorming and planing of future events. Just the few of us, trying to re-establish CF next semester and to achieve legitimacy in future. Due to some problems CF was kinda dissolved and we were some blur people left in the dark. Now we're trying evrything from scratch. Really thank God that it is not our gifts and talents that matters most, but our availabilty and obedience to God. Hope He'll multiply what we sow...fruits may not be now but hope it will be fruitfull. Thank God also for the staff workers and seniors from VCF who have sacrificed so, so much in helping. Elsa, Vincent and Carlsen - thanks! Only God will reward you guys for your effort. You've all been so encouraging and that spurs me to carry on that vision.

Honestly, I wanted to be part of this pioneering group. But not sure... don't want it be be my own ambition or anything but I really needed God's confirmation for my role and purpose of being here at this season. I really have a burden for campus ministry and missions.

Well after a long day, some of us ended up acting as presecutors in a mission exposure camp. Went there blur and scared that we won't have the heart to do it. But it turned out to be convincing and since it was children and youths, some were really afraid! One young boy started praying! Gosh it was so cute and one girl cried. Man! Felt so bad. But later, all of them got together and corporately proclaim their love for Christ. We then kinda introduce ourselves to them to remove the bad impression made earlier...haha.... super funny... but learnt even from these young ones.

Really thank God for the journey He has brought me thus far. Feeling refreshed and challenged to press in. God answeres prayer. Was feeling dry lately. But now encouraged to run this race with all those great man of God before us. Able to relly not just on feelings of our spiritual being or those encounters with God... but now to know salvation and God's love, trully with all my heart AND MIND.

Have my worries and for all my bro and sis in Christ, I really need prayer. To juggle CF work with studies; To ensure that my own walk with God is right before leading others; To be equiped to give Bible studies and answer questions; Constantly have a burden for the lost and His flock.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Back to Singapore

Sigh...so hard to leave my family at home. Wonder why in the wide world I got myself into this in the first place? I mean signing up for NUS camp which costs me a bomb and not to mention that I don't even know a single soul from NUS... why?

anyway will be here till 12 dec.

CF retreat 28 - 29/11
Camp 5 - 10/12
Meet up with some friends
Go jalan-jalan, explore Singapore a bit. But then again, it's so small! Where to go?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Home and Internet!

haha.... been staying with my sis in Bukit Jalil for the past 4 days. So glad to just be with her. Gotta admit, was a nuisance to her...haha.... the way i see her and her housemates study really freaks me out. They have an EXAM coming next friday which is only 5% of the total assessment and they're hitting the books like its a do or die thing! Come on man! For us, in NTU, we call it a quiz! and we study like a few days before it only. oooo.... scary.

anyway, had hands on experince on cooking! haha... thank God I didn't burnt the kitchen down. The food turns out edible...haha.... not bad for first timers. mmmm....yummy!
Joep, I hope you've enjoyed my short stay with you and that I wasn't a distraction. I'm missing you already!

Was really in the apartment whole day. Secluded. Nowhere to go. No Internet. And was like disconected from the world... you know what I mean? What a relieve to be back home with internet access, eventhough its just a 56k modem! So many unchecked mails. wonder how one can do without it these days.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

It's done!!! Praise God

haha... the most gruesome semester in my whole study life in NTU is over! That's what I heard la. Can't imagine anything worse than this. Projects, projects and more projects.... till sometimes no sleep and forget to eat. But thank God its all OVER.

Hopefully I can clear all the papers. Not quite sure how I fared in the exams. Gotta admit that I'm not that kan-chong for exams this semester. Like no feelings... usually I have exam fever or something, but this time around its like 'exam coming...so? yeah...'. Hopefully I didn't take it to lightly. God, please help. I admit I slack a lot... please help me pass and maintain my performance so that I won't be kicked out of the double specialization program... yeah, I'm doing accountancy and business law.

hehe... been thinking about holidays and now they are here... mmmm... the smell of freedom, at least for a month and a half. No plas yet. Most probably will rot away but got camps and activities la. Got to come back to Singapore end of November to begining December.

Wanna catch up with friends and read some non-academic books.... watch TV!! play computer games... yay!!!

Going home, most of all. Miss home so, so much.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Back Off

dear xxx,

I really thank God that our paths crossed each others when we first came here. Really thank God for the friendship that grew within a year despite our different background. But our common love for Christ. Really appreciated the things I learnt from this friendship.

However, I feel that its time we should just move on. After investing so much in this, I don't like the idea of just giving all the time. This friendship seems to be sucking every effort from me. The joy is no longer there.

I know its a hard time for you to get adjusted to life here. But you've changed so much. You've become to complicated for me to understand. There are certain things, I might say that our values differ. I'm tired of trying to convince you and telling you things, as a friend. Sometimes I feel that you're just not listening and just too demanding, too complex. Ive been very open to you. Yeah, I know that you also trust me as a friend. Tell me things that are private. But sometimes I don't know, you seem to be having a motive behind. You're very double minded, which I hate. Swaying so easily, too often. I just can't understand you. I've tried... but I feel its going nowhere.

I dunno, but I'm not the only one who feel that you've changed tremendously. You seem to be so caught in the worldly things. Even I've tried advising and encouraging you as a sister in Christ I feel its all in vain. Many times you say you want to give up your faith... but I know God cares for you as much as for me. I've never given up on you. Thank God you returned. But I'm not sure if its for good. That's what you say, but now I don't think I believe everything you say. It has just lost its credibility.

Two times in a year you said you made a choice hoping that our friendship will remain as it is. The first time cos you said you were turning away from Him. And now just becos you want to move to another church? I just don't know what you mean.

I think we became close too fast. I think I need time to just back off and do some soul searching. I don't like being pushed around just because you change your mind... after making me go through all your unreasonable request. And you change your mind so fast! and it involves me. Sometimes I think you take things forgranted and very self-centered. Forgive for being so mean but I just need to let this go. I'm pissed. Sorry.

I should be happy as I have only one more paper to go... but you spoilt my day. I dunno how I'm going to tell this to you, contront you the next time...cos you may be unaware of it. I admit, I don't let others see my frustration outwardly. God help me to bear with one another. I need a lot of grace.